Oh Dear, Cupid

Message: “What’s a guy got to do to get you to fall in love with him?”

You did well to come to me. I see that you are ready. Approach the circle. Take your time.

Take the robes and hood that are offered to you. Leave your shoes and your personal effects aside. The time for these things is now past.

Step forward.

Put out your left hand. The initiate will take a little of your skin, a little of your hair, a little of your blood. A few drops, nothing more. Wait. Be patient. It will be over soon.

The snakes have been released. They are coming. Pay attention to your breathing, and try not to scream. It will be better this way. You will be better this way.

Real talk

Normally this would be a snarky post attached to a terrible message, but I just want to address a general thing here.

It is never OK to ask someone about their genitals.

I’m openly genderqueer on OKC - I’m registered as female because there are only two options and people generally assume I’m a woman, but I am clear about my gender identity in my profile and I include a link to the wikipedia page on genderqueer, just to limit the number of times I have to explain myself.

I’ve had some lovely conversations with people who are questioning their gender, too, and I’ve found some new genderqueer contacts online. However, the majority of messages I get are either “what is a genderqueer I cannot click links pls explain”, “I HAVE A SISSIFICATION FETISH LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT”, or “but do u have a vagina tho”.

I don’t answer the former two, but I do make a point - before hitting the block button - of informing those in the latter category that it is terribly rude to ask anyone about their genitals. The only person who has a right to ask a person about their genitals is a medical professional who is treating a genito-urinary problem.

At some point in your life, a trans person may trust you enough to tell you about their genitals. If they do, listen and be respectful. But never, ever ask. It’s none of your business.

Reader submission: …No. Just no.

Me again… So I got this message:

is negging kinky sex? ;) sounds good to me lol’

Note: I’ve had to put up an anti-negging warning on my profile due to the high amount I was receiving. Then because many ‘hilarious’ users thought they’d try to use negging ironically in response to that, I had to also put a line about not trying to make post-negging happen (accompanied by an xkcd). Then, because guys started using ‘what’s negging’ as a chat up line, I had to add a line about looking up the term for yourself. I am not, after all, a google machine, and every time I have to explain it, when it would take the guy less time to look it up than ask me to explain it, I get angry.

Anyway, it seemed to do the trick for a while. Until this message.

Now I mostly want to throw up.

Reader Submission: Obvious troll is obvious

*shrugs ……………………………………..erm,………………… 

Anal ? 


well better earn the 75% enemy ! 

so time to “spill” over your pics…and you can’t stop me LMFAO

With messages like this, I wish I was the sort of person who revealed usernames so that we as a society could block this sad specimen. Not because it’s offensive so much - more because he is so obviously trying to provoke that I think the best way to ruin his fun would be to make sure he just can’t message anyone.

Age estimate: 14.

EDIT: OK, I had to look at his profile. And then, when I did, I had to share it with you. According to that he is 39. 39, you guys.

Steady on love…

I’ve got to say that for a free dating site I’m going to demand to the owner that you be paid for that profile. Yours is THE greatest profile EVER written in the HISTORY of online dating! 

I swear I’m going to print it out and post it on my fridge for all my friends and neighbours to admire! Keep up the good work you adorable lil nerd! :yay:

I’m exhausted after reading that.

Anonymous said: what is capacity for original thought

There are three possible reasons why you might be asking me this question.

1. I didn’t phrase the context-bearing statement very well.

2. You are inviting me to participate in a philosophical discussion about the concept of originality.

3. You are not very bright and/or trolling.

Which is it?

EDIT: The possibility that you might not be a native English speaker has also been brought up. I apologise if that is your reason for asking, but perhaps your English teacher might be better placed to explain than I am.

How to really sell yourself on OK Cupid
I’m boring , lazy and No good ! You should not date me !I’m a drive by spooner , I get in, get out and go out to my corner of the bed ASAP ! If you want something to hold on to all night I suggest investigating on a body pillow , maybe one that has a picture of my face on it.Depending on how much hotter you are than me / is how much I love you !I like my alone time what can easily read as:Leave me alone, I hate you !I’m no good, you don’t want to date me !However no one will love you the way Ido !
I actually got a message from this guy. He wRoT3 tH3 wHoL3 tHiNg lIk3 tHis. He also spent the entire message making fun of me. I’m sold.
A public service announcement


If your profile says something like this:

I am … NOT attracted to ‘coloured’ people, not physically (or mentally, I just dislike the stereotypical attitude that mostly dark skinned people keep up). Just not my preference, I prefer caucasian people.

Have a fucking word with yourself, yeah? And don’t message me. I am NOT attracted to racists, not physically (or mentally, I just dislike the stereotyping bullshit you keep spouting). Just not my preference: I prefer decent people. :)

FYI, if you then go on to call everyone who disagrees with you “retarded”, you are also an ableist.